Gen Z Is Leaving Dating Apps Behind::undefined
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Smart move, Gen Z. Those apps are all scams designed to maximize engagement and extract your money from you. They give you a bad mix of early false hope and eventual despair.
Love, Gen X.
Just an anecdote, but I never paid for anything, and most of my exes were from tinder, as well as my current partner. Some were from jodel or instagram, but I’ve had the best luck by far with the dating apps.
I don’t really feel scammed, though they did probably extract a goodly amount of my personal data. But monetarily it was free, and I had a bunch of nice encounters as well as some really good relationships.
But I am a millennial, nearing 30s, so maybe it’s a generational gap
Have you used any recently? It could be that we’re both right, as software just keeps getting worse for over the past few years.
Late summer I remade an account after getting over a relationship that previously ended, and found my current partner (though I did have to go through a few not so great dates to finally really click with someone, but that’s also true for what we used to go through back in the day, and probably for anything that has humans involved).
But I agree that the experience in the app itself was significantly worse, with the constant adverts and pop-ups and whatnot. I just endured them to connect with people, but definitely worse experience as an app than the last time I used it some years ago. But humans are humans in and out of the app, doesn’t really matter what the app is, as long as one can connect and move to other apps from there. Or, you know, real life 🙈
I met my wife through PoF, but this is exactly how Id describe dating apps. They are so designed to keep you checking the app constantly, pay for premium features and feel awful about yourself. In my situation it really was the only way I could meet anyone (was in my rotations of grad school, working 12 hour days), but the apps were like measurably depressing me
Glad it worked out for you guys in the end. There has to be a better way. I usually tell folks to get involved with mixed groups that are activity-based. There’s all kinds of volunteer groups, athletics clubs, and hobby groups out there. Go where the people are, the group activity is a great ice breaker, and then hope to find someone in the group (or network with it to find someone). It’s much better than praying to the app gods through the phone, IMO.
The biggest thing to ne is it can be misguided to join those types of groups when your in a position to be looking for a partner. In general, its great to be involved in activity/hobby groups, and if you find your partner there thats wonderful. But if you are joining just to find a partner, thats where things can get really disappointing and youre not exactly there for the right reason. At the time I was involved in more than enough hobby and activity groups, and didnt need to join more only for to be ‘just there to meet women’. That is the element (in theory) thats good about dating apps. Im there to meet potential partners. Im not pretending to be interested in pottery just to meet a cute girl. Im on the app with a goal of meeting a partner, and want to talk to people who also want to meet a partner. Obviously people and app devs use dating apps for other purposes. But when you are busy with work, school, and have enough hobbies and activities, having something thats very straightforward about wanting to find a partner was a lot more direct way to find someone.
I understand what you’re saying, and I agree. However, most people should be able to find at least one group activity where they are truly interested in the activity; be it volunteering, sports, or hobbies. If not, they may have deeper problems than being single that need to be addressed first. Communal activities and socializing are at the very core of human nature.
Yep I agree. But i wish there was a better approach to how people give that advice. Like there is a point where you.have maintained good social circles, and its time to find people who are actively looking for partners in places where thats appropriate.
Ive got friends who because they are already involved in many social groups and hobbies (but no potential dating options in those groups) are almost of the opinion that the only way they can meet someone is asking out their cute waitress or their cashier, which seems to oftentimes just kinda make someone whose just trying to work have to deal with an awkward social interaction. But to them theres something really tabboo or bad about pursuing dating apps or the like where they will be (in theory) talking to people who are there trying to find dates. Its just odd to me to go about it that way. Maybe just based off my own dating past, but I just cant imagine things evolving from just asking a random person out. And i know prople do that and it goes well. But also theres gotta be a better way to frame going to dating specific spaces that doesnt come off as cheesy and lame as I feel like it does tmost the time
I think churches and formal dances used to help serve this purpose. Still do for some groups. I can’t think of any modern equivalent for the majority. Folks then have to find less than ideal alternatives.
I feel like the loss of “third spaces” has impacted this, too. There’s a whole rabbit hole on that subject.
Yea those are good points. Ive heard some of the arguments about third space stuff. At this point in my life, many examples of third space places are completely uninteresting to me. But i have a full time job, a family, ect, so whether they were or were not available I dont think id utilize a third space. But i see their value
This might be a dumb question… but uh… what are the alternatives in the modern US?
How do people meet nowadays? Like there are no 3rd places left, I dont want to pay to be in some overmonitized club or some shit. I am long out of school. Meeting people seems next to impossible nowadays.
This is where I’m at. Everyone has told me dating at work is a really bad idea. I don’t drink so I have no interest in trying to pick up a girl at a bar. And in general I’ve seen so many girls say they don’t like guys approaching them in public.
Like it feels like all that is left is these apps, but girls don’t seem to want to meet on there either. It feels like I’m missing something critical here on how to meet a girl at my age and it’s frustrating me to no end.
The only way I’ve ever had luck on those apps is just by trying to make my profile funny instead of really lame and repetitive. Like, make one that actually stands out, even if it’s just a big picture of you in a fish costume holding yourself, or something. It can certainly help if you get a sense for what other dude’s profiles look like and intentionally do what will stand out from them, or what will point out the absurdity of them. Then, just wait. That’s it, don’t surf the app really, that’s a pretty guaranteed way to lose hope on everything. If you do scroll, do it sparingly, and sparingly give out swipes, don’t swipe on someone cause they’re hot, swipe on someone because they either seem like someone you wanna go out with or because they’re sending you some other form of signal that actually matters. After you get a match or two, you’re gonna wanna swipe through the pile until you can distinguish the person who swiped on you from the blurry preview they give you, and then you can go from there based on whether or not they seem like a good fit or not, generally I opt towards yes even if they haven’t put much effort in.
I dunno about tinder, but sometimes you can even delete your bumble profile and the app keeps puppeting around your account, and then you can return later on, and swipe through the pile, until you can distinguish them based on their preview. I’ve met like 7-8 girls this way and my profile barely even shows my face and it’s all stupid jokey bullshit. I think my ELO’s probably tanked but I don’t really care that much atp. If you’re really desperate there are ways to flub the sign-up process and make a totally new account, so you can reset your ELO if you’ve tanked it by swiping right a million times and getting nothing back.
How old are you? It’s been years since I dated, but I had a decent amount of success on dating apps. It can take time to curate a good profile. Also, my understanding is that free options are nonexistent or flooded with fake OF profiles, so that might make it more difficult
I’m 27. I’ve been on and off on dating apps for a few years now. Very rarely get matches. Tried all the profile advice. Nothing works. Doesn’t help you also have to filter through a sea of girls trying to pump their Instagram followers or OF subs and don’t actually care about dating. It just feels like these apps have been nothing but a drain on my mental health with basically nothing to show for it.
Yeah, the Instagram and OF stuff wasn’t around when I was using dating apps. That sounds pretty difficult to get through. Seems like Match Group bought all the competition and ruined it from what I’ve heard.
Yeah dating a coworker is gross.
Hobbies. If you like hiking find a hiking group. If you like board games find a board game group. If you like painting get in a class… you get the idea.
Majority of relationships past college start with coworkers
I met my wife at a dungeon, but that’s not for everyone. Bars also work
Most people meet partners through mutual friends and at work.
Unless you already have shit loads of friends this is not viable. And dating at work has almost gotten impossible with the risk of harassment.
Young people are fucked.
I blame enshittification. I met good people on Craigslist and then (after a soul searching break) met my wife on OK Cupid.
The alternative might be activity groups, but I’ve also seen reports that Gen Z folk are having less sex generally, not like it’s too much trouble to find partners but aren’t very driven to look. So it may be a correlative, not causal relationship.
