Oh yeah well my anus is bleeding

Ok, 7 grams.

Anythingbutmetric

I suspect an electrical issue on the motherboard.

• What happens if you swap the bed and hotend thermistor, and/or plug one of your reference thermistor into the bed input?
• What is the open-circuit voltage on the signal line of the hotend and bed thermistor inputs?
• What is the short-circuit current of the same?

If you see differences in those last two points, that is a clue that something is messing with the divider circuit that the thermistor is a part of.

That adds up. All the spots it broke are where the filament bends pretty substantially. Thanks.